Part 6: A photographic essay about our journey 'connecting to place' in Aotea, Great Barrier Island.
After nearly two weeks of isolation, winter weather and feeling desperately homesick, I arrive at my birthday! The look on my face as a force of a smile says it all. The deep sick feeling I have constantly from feeling low shows and I come to resolution I am certainly struggling in this environment. I do not want to, nor seem to be able to connect to my place. Ironically I am surrounded by beautiful loving people, yet feel incredibly lost and lonely.
I am grateful for the lovely gifts and kind words delivered! Molly looks like I feel. I worry she is aging far to fast.
Jo is my Main Anchor. My compass.
My North,
My South,
My East and West!
Life back on Te Ika a Maui! Life in the fast lane with transport, 24-hour power, a big population, access to food 24/7, many houses, traffic that will stop you while driving, flavoured air, lost starry nights from light pollution, the constant burble of noise as it flows past within the arteries leading and lined with concrete!
I am still on the wrong Island, too far north and a long way from where my heart lays - deep in Te Wai Pounamu. Oddly I enjoy being here. There are people around me. People chatting and asking questions. Oddly at the airport I feel slightly happier? It is crowded and it seems to fill a part of me I lack on Aotea. It's the company of others! However as a juxtaposed position, in the jungle of tangled steel, roads, traffic and people loneliness can still prevail, making many isolated and lost.
So what connects us to place. Why do I have a deep sickness within that I can not shake?
I work with the most beautiful people in a location that people only dream about. I do the work that is exactly my dream - helping youth with a team that believes in what I believe in what we can do. I can lead and deliver something special to help young people realise it is the environment first and consequentially our health depends on it! What's wrong with me?
I learn after 7 months, my life is horribly unbalanced. I lack exercise, time to play and time to be away!. What I am doing is unsustainable and if I continue I realise I will only make the end of the year. But the job can be relentless. I start at 0800 and often finish at 1700 - 1900! And I often work 6 days, and when I have a break I am exhausted! No energy to explore.
I am sharp with my communication outwards, not contemplating how it will land with others. I am flat and struggle with motivation! Surrounded by a web of sickness and darkness, feeling like I can not see the colour and happiness in life much! I need to rest, reframe and change many aspects.
I need to connect to this place.